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PERRIN LOVETT

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PERRIN LOVETT

Tag Archives: fiction

TPC On The Road: A Christmas Tradition? – New Fiction at TPC

20 Thursday Dec 2018

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christmas, fiction, Piedmont Chronicles, TPC

We find a family on the road before Christmas…

Eight A.M. and the family was on the freeway, heading North, with less than an hour of Pennsylvania roads left to travel. Coffee-fueled and ready for anything not work-related, Todd and Claire man the front buckets. Little Ruthie, seven-years-old, and tiny Lizzie, barely one, hold the middle. From the rear, with the gear, nary a sound comes from ten-year-old Bryson. Fortnite suffers no idle chit chat.

 

Second down and goal to go! The Sunday morning before Christmas was a fine, if cold, time.

 

‘Can we listen to “Dominick the Donkey?”’ asked Ruthie.

 

‘Not again,’ Claire replied, ‘Ten times was enough last night. And, WODS will be playing it twice an hour – unless they’ve switched to some listless contemporary lineup – which would JUST BE STUPID.’

 

‘Say,’ added Todd, ‘How ‘bout a little Dandy and the Bass Slayers? They’ve got the best Christmas album. From ninety-seven? Maybe ninety-nine?’

 

‘Honey,’ Claire sighed, ‘Nobody wants to hear that tired, redneck, Bluegrass-pop vulgarity again. Let them go.’

 

Read the whole funny thing at TPC.

TPC – The Dastardly Legume

14 Wednesday Nov 2018

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ Comments Off on TPC – The Dastardly Legume

Tags

fiction, peanut, Piedmont Chronicles, TPC

“Controversial” fiction short held over from last week:

…

5 the Hive, Live, Breaking News, 9:52 AM:

Morning Anchor: ‘Breaking news in Anytown. Authorities in Anytown are responding to an emergency situation at George Washington Carver Middle School and Center for STEM Excellence in Standardized Testing. 5 the Hive learned, minutes ago, that the situation may involve a possible chemical attack. We do not, at this time, know if this is a terror attack or yet another school shooting. Our own P.B. Jay is on the scene. P.B., what do we know?’

Reporter Jay: ‘Pandemonium here at Carver Middle. I’m across Main looking at the campus. You can see … over my shoulder … we have fire trucks, ambulances, dozens of police. A S.W.A.T. team is preparing to make entry.’

Anchor: ‘Have you heard of any students or others harmed or … otherwise?’

Jay: ‘I’m seeing … we have hundreds of students and teachers exiting the building. You can see them with their hands raised for safety. The authorities are not taking any chances. And … I have here Assistant School Superintendent Aller Gee. Mrs. Gee, do we know exactly what has happened or if there are any casualties?’

Mrs. Aller Gee: ‘All of our children and their safety is our only concern. I have a rumor, a report, there are several sixth graders down … [voice cracks] … our babies are… [sobbing] More may be trapped in a bathroom or science lab. I’m trying to think of the children.’

Jay: ‘Thank you. [hugs Gee] Thank you. We’re all crying, here. And, everyone, the police are directing us to back up towards the Waffle House. Two more helicopters just landing now.’

Anchor: ‘We now know there may be six children, possibly more, succumbing to injuries at Carver Middle. A terrible tragedy. We will constantly cover this story and update you regularly. Now, 5 the Hive’s Jimmy Carter has more on the cows still loose on I-19…’

*******

…

READ THE WHOLE HILARIOUS THING AT TPC

DCIM100MEDIA

From TPC: TION 101: Regulation, Taxation, and Inflation

19 Friday Oct 2018

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

comedy, economics, fiction, Piedmont Chronicles, TPC

This week’s column follows, in full. I wrote it fast and dry and, one quick edit aside, I didn’t even read it. An apology for the ho-hum-ness passed to TPC. But … MB ran it with praise today. I read it and … he might be right. A blending of one of my pet issues with a little nuanced fiction, comedy even. It captures a glimpse into my recent foray into cultural anthropology, a little hidden German truth, and even some nature photography. Enjoy:

[Perrin Lovett] – TION 101: Regulation, Taxation, and Inflation

Somewhere, a professor concludes a lecture on political economy and economic politics.
———-
‘So, class, to wrap things up, the government and its allies – the other enemies of the free people – always engage in three insidious activities. All three loot actual productive value from the highest and best uses of capital, shifting it into various schemes, all of them nefarious. All three eat away at the economy. All three amount to forcible theft. Slavery, we could even rightly call it.
‘The stolen money, the stolen value is used to buy votes via illegal programs. It beats down innovation and competition from start-ups. It enriches and empowers the few at the expense of the many. Evil. To. The. Core.
‘And, again, I call these the three “tions.” That’s spelled “t-i-o-n-s,” pronounced “shuns, s-h-u-n-s.” And, shun these mechanisms of cultural destruction we should.
‘Again, they are: regulation, taxation, and inflation.
‘Taxation is the most obvious of the evil trio. Pay them what you’re told or else men with guns will literally come and take it by force – up to and including deadly force – if necessary. And for all they tax, they still spend more.
‘Think about this: King George demanded the aggregate equivalent of a one to two percent income tax, and that only affecting certain industries and persons. What do we pay Washington these days? Ten, twenty, thirty percent? Was as high as ninety at one time.
‘Regulation affects everything. This category is a bill of goods, sold to the enstupidated masses under the guise of “protection.” We know the only people protected are the government agents whose jobs depend on enforcement – more men with guns – and the wealthy businesses who write the laws and regulations.
‘Remember that the next time you’re tempted to vote. You’ve been sold out. They simply do not care about you. After the election dust settles and the pleasant lies subside, it’s back to business as usual. Government of, by, and for the corporations.
‘For an age and a half, politicians – especially “conservatives” – have railed and ranted about cutting the size and scope of the theft. They haven’t. Anymore, they don’t even try to retard the rate of growth. Sellouts, all.
‘All except one, maybe. The oddest thing has happened. For once we have, in power, a man willing to at least try what he boasts. And, most incredible of all, he’s seemingly getting results. Donald John Trump said he would cut taxes and regulations. And then … he cut taxes and regulations.
‘The tax cuts – decried as radical – were, to me, most modest. Still, modest beats nothing. But the regs. Those he’s been feeding into the wood chipper.
‘And the economy has answered. BOOM! (For now…)
‘The Congress, well not so much. Those fools keep spending and there’s never enough. With all the cuts, the economy is predictably growing. That means higher tax revenues – with and from lower tax rates. But the idiots spend even more. More debt. More debt. And then, some more debt. And the debt is a problem. Someone once wrote something about that… That was a truth and a joke…. Ah, well. (*Sigh*)
‘The debt goes hand in hand, hand on hammer, with the third “tion,” inflation. But, maybe, just maybe, Trump is about to address that too.
‘Up until now, he’s tolerated both the machinations of the Fed and the spendthrift stupidity of the legislative branch. Here’s to hoping that that’s about to change.
‘The other day, in typical Trump-Twitter fashion, the President accurately described the Fed criminals as “loco.” That’s el-Spanish for “crazy.”
‘And it is crazy. Central banking, as we’ve already noted, is always, always, always an insane suicide pact. Cheap, easy money today, misery tomorrow and for years to come. Theft and slavery, writ large. Cut taxes to Constitutional levels – to zero – and pare down the regulators to levels acceptable in 1787 and, if you keep up the funny money and debt, you still come to utter ruin. Eventually.
‘So. Really wrapping it up here. Let’s hope Trump smashes the locos! Amirite?
As the good and learned professor looked upon the gathered young faces, an uncertain hand rose from the throng.
‘Yes, young Sir,’ cued the professor.
A small voice answered, ‘My. My. My shoe is untied.’
‘Teddy called Tommy a bad word!’ called out another tiny voice unsolicited.
‘Um,’ stammered the old academic, ‘Well. Let’s just. Okay! Class is dismissed! Your teacher will now help you out to the buses … and … so forth. Down with the “tions!”’
Slightly dismayed by the blank stares in Ms. Hiccup’s third-grade classroom, Professor Wahrheit collected his things and departed the Immanuel Kant Comprehensive Elementary School for the Arts and STEM Inclusion Learning.
A foursome of deer, ambling about on business of their own, encountered Wahrheit midway along his long walk home. ‘The man seems troubled,’ thought the lead doe. But the “tions” simply were not her concern. With a sniff and a bound she was gone. Three smaller females followed. Warheit, still walking, didn’t even notice.
Who, really, notices what?
Picture by Perrin.

THE TPC ORIGINAL, HERE

Grit and Steel: Fiction at TPC

06 Wednesday Jun 2018

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

fiction, Piedmont Chronicles, TPC

And, by fiction, for once I don’t mean a goofy political poem. A short, short story:

It was as delightful a late-October afternoon as anyone could want, cooler and quieter than most. Wendell “Dell” Hubbard looked out the office window as the leaves shimmered in a breeze, their autumnal transformation slowly proceeding. It was a great afternoon, a great Friday afternoon. So far as Wendell knew he was the last man in the building. Friday’s usually meant leaving a little early. And now it was a little late – five past five. ‘No rush,’ he thought as his gaze returned to the stack of files on his desk. His blushing bride and her sister were held up at the family beach house for the weekend. He could afford to take it easy. Stay a little longer. Get a little more done. Later, perhaps, a cigar and a little Scotch was in order.

…

READ THE WHOLE THING AT TPC

*Is this the beginning of the Dell Hubbard chronicles? Who knows?

**TPC fans: the National Affairs shall return in force next week.

IMG_20180605_154936046 - Edited

Perrin.

What You’re Missing at Patreon – the First Work of Fiction

13 Thursday Jul 2017

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

fiction, Patreon, Perrin on Patreon, short story

It’s a little old short story, a legend of sorts.

A Short Story Teaser

Jul 13 at 8:56am
Perrin’s take on an old Southern Legend…

Once upon a time, and it was a time very long ago, there lived a Little Old Man. It was more like fifty – sixty years ago, if that makes it a long time. Anyway the Little Old Man lived way down South. South as in down where Georgia and Florida sort of melt together in a big, steamy, pinetree-ridden swamp…

So, it was long ago and deep in the South.

The Little Old Man lived in the not-so-unpleasant little old woods near the Big Water.

Become a PATRON for Full Access.

More to come, here, a little later today.

Beren and Luthien: May, 2017

18 Wednesday Jan 2017

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

books, fiction, J.R.R. Tolkien

Literary fans, take note. A new Tolkien book cometh this year, 44 years after the author’s death. And the story itself is one of Tolkien’s oldest. At around 100 years in the making it predates both The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. All of this makes me feel especially good about my slowness in cranking out new books.

beren-luthien

Alan Lee / Harper Collins.

Beren and Luthien is the great love story of the legendarium. It tells the tale of Beren, a mortal Man, and Luthien, an Elvish princess – one of only three such “mixed” marriages in Middle Earth. They undertake the most daring quest in the long history of that world.

Some of you have read perhaps the short version of the story in the Silmarillion. From that work also came The Children of Hurin, which was released ten years prior to B&L. Christopher Tolkien’s editing and narration skills have increased dramatically since 1977 (and I never shared the contemporary criticism of his work, then). This book will be excellent.

And it would also make for one of the best Tolkien movies imaginable. That is, if Peter “Ruin Everything Possible” Jackson is kept as far away as possible. A movie with something for everyone – date movie, chick flick, fantasy, action. Come to think of it, TCOH, Tolkien’s tragedy, would make a fine movie. No Jackson.

The B&L legend soundly defeats one of the major (unjust) claims of Tolkien detractors – that of a lack of romance. In that regard, the legend was so important to Tolkien that he had “Beren” and “Luthien” inscribed as nicknames on his and his wife’s tombstone. This is a romantic epic of the highest order, riddled through with adventure. Sauron even makes an appearance, in person and in voice.

I highly recommend this work when available. If you must buy just one novel this year, this should be the one. It will probably be mine.

Now, I sincerely hope Christopher is already at work completing the tales of Tuor and Idril.

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Perrin Lovett

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